so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
