So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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