Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
