Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
