And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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