Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
