i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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