oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
