I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
too bad you live with your parents still
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
