My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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