Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
