i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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