My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize