We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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