Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
