barbara walters just said penis...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
