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Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
