This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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