i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
