Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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