dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
