how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize