You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
