I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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