I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
