omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
