I cockslap morals
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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