my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
