she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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