im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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