Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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