i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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