Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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