apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
