Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She's the barista slut.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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