we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
