if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
