Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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