he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
