If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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