Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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