we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
