Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
