You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This baby is an asshole
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
