he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
