it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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