life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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