I'm going to jail i love you
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
