Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
