i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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