Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
