I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
