That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
