I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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