are you so shy because you have an std?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize