I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
