I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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