new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
