Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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