the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
