Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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