I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
