FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
