I murdered the dance floor call the cops
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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